"First Date"

[ Water running ] [ Water stops ] [ Amanda sighs ] God.

Get yourself together, Amanda.

[ Exhales sharply ] Jill: What's up?

What's with the 911?

Amanda: I've having a bit of a dilemma.

Jill: What's got your little panties in a bunch?

Amanda: Kelly -- the girl I went on the blind date with.

Jill: Oh, God, please stop it.

Amanda: It's been two weeks since our first date, and I want to ask her out on a second date.

Jill: Okay.

Great.

Great.

Amanda: But the thing is... [ Sighs ] ...she's beautiful.

I mean, you should see her.

Her legs... her hair... her eyes... her smile.

[ Sighs ] And the best of all -- remember what I said what my perfect girl had to be?

Jill: Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember this.

Amanda: So, what do you do?

Kelly: I'm a stripper.

Amanda: I don't -- I never said that.

Jill: But it would be awesome, you know, for you... because of the stamina and the flexibility.

-Amanda: No.

-Jill: No?

All right, uh... Ooh, yeah.

No, I remember this.

Amanda: So, what do you do?

Kelly: I'm actually the sous-chef at the Redbury Hotel on Hollywood and Vine.

Jill: Gourmet grilled-cheese sandwiches whenever we want them -- whenever you want them.

Amanda: Homemade tuna tartare on a perfectly crisp sesame cracker.

Jill: Aww.

You have to marry this girl, you know, for both of our sakes.

Amanda: She's perfect.

Jill: So, what's the problem?

[ Amanda sighs ] Before the actual coffee... we shared an awkward meeting.

Oh.

Hi.

She held out her hand.

I was going in for the hug, but I took her hand anyway, and her earring got caught in my hair.

Kelly: Ow, ow, ow.

[ Earring jangles ] Amanda: It was a hot mess.

Jill: So, you took her and you shook her?

Amanda: I'm an idiot.

Jill: No, come on, you were just nervous.

Amanda: That's not all.

Ah-choo!

Jill: Pbht!

[ Laughs ] Amanda: Stop laughing.

You know my nose is sensitive to perfumes.

Jill: Oh, just text her, Amanda.

[ Amanda sighs ] I'm such a dork.

She would never go out with me again.

Jill: Ohh, God.

[ Chuckles nervously ] Don't do that.

No, you're fine.

Come on.

You were just...nervous.

She's gonna understand.

And, hey, it's not as bad as that one girl.

What was her name?

Melinda -- Miranda.

The one with the pussy?

-Amanda: Monica?

-Jill: Monica!

Oh, that was the worst.

[ Chuckles ] Amanda: I told you, her cat committed suicide.

I had nothing to do with that.

Jill: Yeah, you tell that to your insurance company.

Amanda: You know what?

Screw you!

I'm just gonna shoot her a text right now, and it's going to be perfect.

Jill: Yeah, let's see this.

Come on, now.

Amanda: "Hey, what you doin'?

You so...fine."

Jill: "What's your sign?"

Yeah.

[ Amanda laughs ] Okay, okay.

Really, now.

"I really want to see you again.

How does Friday night at 8:00 sound?"

Jill: Perfect, sexy, simple.

[ Cellphone chimes ] No freakin' way!

-Amanda: Could it be?

-Jill: You want to call her?

Call her.

See if it rings in here.

Just call her.

Come on.

[ Dialing ] [ Ringing ] [ Cellphone ringing, both laugh ] Man.

Bummer.

Amanda: Go.

Go.

Jill: This is not my problem.

[ Arguing indistinctly ] You better go.

-Amanda: You go.

Jill: You go over there right now.

You go.

Go!

Amanda: Okay.

Kelly: Hi.

Amanda: Hi.

Um... what brings you to my workplace restroom?

Kelly: I'm really sorry if this seems a little crazy, but you told me where you worked on our date, and I haven't heard from you in a while.

I just thought I'd stop by and surprise you for lunch, and your assistant said you were in a meeting.

I was gonna wait for you to get done.

And, as fate would have it, I had to pee.

Amanda: That's very sweet.

But, um... did you by any chance hear that horrible conversation?

Kelly: No.

I especially didn't hear the part about how you ran over a cat or your friend thinks I'm a stripper.

Amanda: Ah.

Well, I'm gonna go run in front of a bus now.

Kelly: Wait.

Um, maybe I can make you a grilled-cheese sandwich on Friday.

Amanda: What?

Uh, I mean, yes, of course.

Friday.

Kelly: Okay.

Amanda: Okay.

Kelly: Wait.

Um, for the record, I like the dorky.

[ Splash ] Amanda: [ Groans ] Aw, great.

♪♪