"Teleglobal Dreamin'"

[ MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS ] [ VEHICLE HORNS HONKING ] Manny: YES, MA'AM, SO, UM, JUST TO LET ME -- UH, JUST LET -- JUST TO REPEAT YOUR ORDER, YOU WANT TO GET... ONE EXTREME SPIRIT YOGA MAT.

AND WILL THAT BE ALL FOR TONIGHT?

YES, YES.

UM, ACTUALLY WE HAVE A PROMO GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

IF YOU GET THREE YOGA MATS, WE CAN DEFINITELY GIVE YOU -- UM, ACTUALLY, ONE OF THE FEATURES THAT THIS YOGA MAT HAS IS TO BE ABLE TO... Dale: OKAY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HANG UP THE PHONE.

HANG UP THE PHONE.

[ RECEIVER CLICKS ] THERE'S A NEW GAME IN TOWN, PEOPLE.

ALL RIGHT?

JUST LAST WEEK, 50,000 PEOPLE LOST THEIR JOBS IN FLORIDA.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS FOR US -- FOR ALL OF US?

THAT IS 50,000 POTENTIAL "HIGH-SPIRIT PILATES" DVDs THAT WALKED OUT THE DOOR ON US.

IT'S NOT OUR FAULT, BUT THEY WALKED OUT THE DOOR.

THEY'RE FREEZING COLD, AND THEY'RE FIGHTING TO SURVIVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HOW ARE WE GOING TO SURVIVE?

WE HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO... ...BECAUSE THERE IS A...YEAH.

THAT IS WHY I CAME HERE -- IS TO GIVE YOU THE SKILLS, GIVE YOU TOOLS THAT I HAVE LEARNED IN MY LIFE, IN MY TRAVELS AS A TELEGLOBAL SALES SPECIALIST, BUT, ALSO, MORE IMPORTANTLY, AS AN ACTOR IN LOS ANGELES.

OKAY?

WE'RE GONNA KEEP OUR JOBS.

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ] [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] [ MOUSE CLICKS ] Rosa: OKAY, SIR, I'LL BE HAPPY TO TRANSFER YOU TO OUR PRODUCT SUPPORT DEPARTMENT.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU OUT WITH?

OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HELLO, MAY.

[ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] SIR.

SIR.

IT'S REALLY AMAZING THAT Y-YOU TOOK THE TIME TO COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE T-TO VISIT US.

YOU MUST BE SO BUSY WITH ACTING PROJECTS.

Dale: YEAH, ACTING PROJECTS.

I MEAN, THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN DOING THE TELEGLOBAL THING.

IT'S 'CAUSE, LIKE, THE ACTING COMES IN WAVES, YOU KNOW.

IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES YOU'RE UP ON YOUR BOARD AND YOU'VE BEEN RIDING IT FOR YEARS AND THEN YOU FALL OFF AND YOU'RE IN THE WATER AND YOU GOT TO... Rosa: Y-YOU GOT TO FIND ANOTHER ONE?

Dale: YEAH.

Rosa: YEAH, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE.

Dale: HEY, IT'S, UH, ROSA, RIGHT?

Rosa: Y-YEAH.

Dale: WHERE DO PEOPLE GO AROUND HERE TO, LIKE, HAVE A GOOD TIME?

-Rosa: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-Dale: I MEAN WHERE CAN A -- LIKE A GUY LIKE ME GO HAVE SOME FUN, YOU KNOW?

Rosa: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE PHILIPPINES?

Dale: WHAT?

Rosa: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE PHILIPPINES?

Dale: NO.

I'VE ONLY EVER BEEN UP TO CANADA.

I SHOT THIS -- THIS PILOT ABOUT MOUNTIES IN VANCOUVER.

Rosa: WH-WHAT'S A MOUNTIE?

Dale: IT'S LIKE CANADIAN POLICE.

THEY R-- THEY RIDE HORSES.

Rosa: OH.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] OH, WAIT.

OKAY, WAIT, UH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OKAY.

-Dory: OI!

-Angel: OI!

Dory: ROSA.

[ ANNOUNCER SHOUTING IN TAGALOG ] [ SHOUTING CONTINUES ] Rosa: HEY, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS, DORY AND ANGEL.

-Dale: HEY.

HEY, HEY.

-Angel: HI.

-Angel: HOW ARE YOU?

-Dale: WHAT?

-Angel: HOW ARE YOU?

-Dale: GOOD.

♪ EASY LOVER ♪ ♪ SHE'S GOT A HOLD ON YOU, BELIEVE IT ♪ ♪ LIKE NO OTHER ♪ ♪ BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU'LL BE ON YOUR KNEES ♪ Dory: [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...LIPS... [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...BRENDAN FRASER... Rosa: ♪ SHE'S LIKE NO OTHER ♪ ♪ AND I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU SEE ♪ ♪ HOLD HER ♪ ♪ HOLD HER AND CONTROL HER ♪ ♪ BETTER FORGET IT ♪ ♪ YOU'LL NEVER GET IT ♪ ♪ AND SHE'LL SAY THERE'S NO OTHER ♪ ♪ TILL SHE FINDS ANOTHER ♪ ♪ BETTER FORGET IT ♪ Dale: LISTEN, LADIES, I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I'VE BEEN TAKING IT TO THE MAX FOR LIKE 24 HOURS.

I'VE GOT TO GET UP EARLY.

-Rosa: ARE YOU SURE?

-Dale: I GOT TO GO.

I'M SORRY.

I'VE BEEN UP FOR LIKE 20,000 HOURS.

Angel: YOU STILL HAVE BEER.

-Dory: COME ON.

-Angel: COME ON.

Rosa: BUT I LIVE NEARBY.

YOU WANT TO TAKE A NAP?

Dale: I GOT TO GO.

I'M SURE MY HOTEL ROOM IS READY BY NOW.

I GOT TO GET MY LUGGAGE IN THERE.

I GOT TO WAKE UP.

Rosa: OKAY, SO I-I'LL TAKE YOU, THEN.

Dale: ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

Rosa: SEE YOU GUYS.

Man: ROSA!

[ BOTH ARGUING IN TAGALOG ] [ BABY CRYING ] [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...BRENDAN FRASER... [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...HOLLYWOOD.

Dale: WHAT THE...?

Rosa: [ GROANS ] [ BABY CRYING ] Dale: WHAT'S GOING -- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

Rosa: OH, NO.

UM...EVERYTHING'S -- Dale: I-IF IT'S EASIER, I CAN JUST GET IN A CAB.

JUST TELL ME WHERE TO GO AND IT'S FINE.

Rosa: I'LL TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR HOTEL.

I JUST NEED TO RUN HIM -- I JUST NEED TO TAKE THIS HOME.

Dale: IT'S FINE.

IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE TO GO, -I CAN GET IN A CAB.

-Rosa: IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

Dale: [ SIGHS ] [ VEHICLE HORN HONKING ] Rosa: [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] Dale.

This is my grandfather.

DALE: Hey, I'm Dale.

Rosa: [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] Dale: DID YOU TELL -- DID YOU -- DID YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS THAT I'M BRENDAN FRASER?

Rosa: NO.

Dale: 'CAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND CALLED ME "BRENDAN FRASER."

-Rosa: HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.

-Dale: OKAY, YEAH.

WHATEVER.

Rosa: I TOLD MY FRIENDS YOU WERE IN "THE MUMMY 2."

WITH BRENDAN FRASER.

ARE YOU -- ARE YOU GOING TO TELL MY SUPERVISOR?

Dale: IT'S FINE.

IT'S FINE.

IT'S FINE.

LET'S JUST -- LET'S GET OUR -- LET'S GO, OKAY?

Rosa: OKAY.

[ ROOSTER CALLS ] [ ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS ] [ ROCK 'N' ROLL CONTINUES ] [ UPBEAT MUZAK PLAYS ] [ WARTHOG SNORTS ] [ UPBEAT MUZAK CONTINUES ] [ TIRES SCREECH ] Dale: WHAT IS GOING ON?

[ ENGINE TURNS OFF, UPBEAT JAZZ STOPS ] [ MAN SPEAKS TAGALOG ] Dale: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] [ MAN SHOUTS IN TAGALOG ] Dale: [ SHRIEKS ] ROSA, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM TO STOP.

YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM WHO I AM, OKAY?

I AM DALE PARSONS.

I AM NOT -- I AM NOT BRENDAN FRASER!

I AM DALE PARSONS, OKAY?

Rosa: [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...BRENDAN FRASER... ...DALE PARSONS... [ SPEAKING TAGALOG ] Dale: WHAT IS HE SAYING?

Dale: THEN YOU HAVE TO CALL SOMEBODY, OKAY?

GET SOMEBODY ON THE PHONE.

CALL THE EMBASSY.

C-CALL YOUR BOSS AT THE CALL CENTER AND TELL THEM WHO I AM.

YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE THIS IS HAPPENING AND TELL THEM THAT I'M HERE.

[ MAN SHOUTS IN TAGALOG ] [ PURSE ZIPPER ZIPS ] [ MAN SPEAKING TAGALOG ] ...CELL PHONE... [ MAN SHOUTS IN TAGALOG ] [ GUNSHOT ] Dale: [ WHIMPERING ] [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] [ ENGINE TURNS OVER, UPBEAT MUZAK RESUMES ]